Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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