I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
