You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
