Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
