Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We just shotgunned beers for America
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Randomize
