When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's blow job season.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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