There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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