he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
