Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
