Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
