I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
