Jerry, you need to find god
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
