Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My dick has a subreddit
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
