Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
