Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
