ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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