Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
