The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
