I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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