He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
