This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
