I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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