and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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