Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
