two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
