he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
