Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
