dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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