So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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