sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
