I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
