Just took my morning after pill in the library
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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