Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
