So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
