I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
