He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize