make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
