that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I need to stop coming to work sober
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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