Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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