Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Actions speak louder than pants.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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