ADVERTISEMENT

• (607): View more from New York

  I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on

  Fav 2 2496 1176

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Guys should not giggle. Ever.

  Fav 22 3363 1004

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

  Fav 33 3729 1783

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Ontario

  Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.

  Fav 16 5022 818

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck

  Fav 46 1470 7590

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...

  Fav 21 6691 1052

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (541): View more from Oregon

  You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.

  Fav 2 1411 1435

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...

  Fav 2 731 1405

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.

  Fav 4 555 777

  share tweet
  

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.

  Fav 8 552 1140

  share tweet
  

• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes

  Fav 0 930 595

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.

  Fav 0 590 288

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.

  Fav 4 983 379

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.

  Fav 1 162 108

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I would ride that face into the sunset

  Fav 2 85 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize