I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
