Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
