Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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