Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
