We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Come on in and take your pants off
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