Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
