i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
