Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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