you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
