Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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