i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I look better un-naked...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
