NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
