Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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