ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
