I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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