just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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