I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
