He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
