He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she pinky promised me she was 18
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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