STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
