If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
