Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i need some magic done to my vagina
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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