i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize