this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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