yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
