We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
