Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
