You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
