dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
