i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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